Growing up, Halloween is the be-all-end-all of holidays. Dress up! Candy! Staying up late! What more could a kid ask for?

My parents helped to always make Halloween amazing by making our costumes for us. My brother and I never had store bought anything for Halloween, partly because I think my parents didn’t want to spend the money on them, and partly because store bought costumes were so limited (and looked cheap).

Like every Canadian kid, I had to struggle through wearing costumes that were several sizes too big so they’d fit over my winter coat. This was always devastating to me because princesses don’t wear puffy coats under their gowns. I wanted to look pretty! Not like a marshmallow with a tiara. While I thought of it as a pain in the ass at the time, it actually worked out for the best because it meant the costumes were still good for playing dress up several years (and growth spurts) later.

I started to reach peak-creativity when I was about 9.

In high school, my Halloween game kind of fell apart. I struggled to bridge the gap between being young enough to go full-Halloween, and too old (read: wanting to seem cool) to trick or treat. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved candy. And I liked costumes. But I was going through all those adolescent feelings of wanting to look cool and cute at the same time. I was never secure enough to do a “sexy” costume, which looking back I am happy about, but that left me with a lot of “just wearing all black” costumes that weren’t really anything in particular. One year I did a group costume with some friends where we all went as the girls from the movie The Craft, I had never and still have never seen that movie.

By university, Halloween took on a life of its own. Week-long parties, a different costume every day, booze, better self-esteem than high school resulting in cooler more creative costumes, booze. Halloween was back! October 31st falling on a Saturday would have been the holy grail of Halloween celebrations.

Now I am 30 and Halloween is on a Saturday. The only plans I have are to maybe make some guacamole and to watch a movie or two. I don’t even have a costume. Two years ago I was still very interesting in finding a party to attend to making a kick-ass costume. I don’t know what happened in 2014 and 2015, but I officially no longer care and it’s totally liberating.

Just because I might be “over” Halloween parties, doesn’t mean I won’t be cashing in on that discount candy tomorrow.