Viewing the world through beer-tinted glasses.

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At the risk of coming across like a bit of a boozer, I’m going to write another alcoholic post. Because nothing spruces up a situation like a little bit of the drink, I thought it would be fun to re-imagine some of the English language’s greatest literary works as if they were written from a boozy point of view. I’m not talking Hemingway drinking his way across Paris with F. Scott and Dali type of boozy, I’m talking The Old Man and the Seagrams. You know, clever shit. Okay, let’s get started.

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Tequila Mockingbird

A heartwarming tale of a father and his children, who, even when the whole town was against them, battled adversity in the courtroom to get their Mexican avian tenant evicted for excessive late night mariachi music and illicit group siestas.

Lord of the Ryes

A group of school teachers become locked in the school’s basement with nothing but the food in their pockets and the entire case of whisky they were saving for the exam break. It doesn’t take long before the science and math teachers form an alliance against the admin staff. Cliques are formed and a CPR dummy’s head is impaled on a yard stick as a warning to others.

Taming of the Brew

In a society of highfalutin sommeliers, everyone is clamouring to taste the vintner’s latest offering. Unfortunately, previous to his time on the vineyard he tried his hand at novelty cask ales, and decreed that no one was to sample his vintage until he was able to find a satisfied taster of his less than popular dairy and citrus inspired brew. Desperate for the wine, two fellows hatch a scheme involving a whole lot of crazy antics, and presumably someone with no taste buds, and all goes well…for now.

Scotch-22

A satirical and somewhat hysterical story of a WWII Air Force pilot on a journey to sample a variety of 22-year-old single malt scotches. Once he tries one particular scotch no other scotch will do. Thus creating a paradoxical situation wherein he is too drunk to fly his plane, and he doesn’t understand the definition of a paradox.

Huckleberry Gin

Two best friends embark on various adventures while heavily under the influence of gin. SPOILER ALERT: turns out that all the “adventures” are really just the two drunkenly stumbling around a drive-thru parking lot.

On the Rocks

An annoyingly thorough diary of one man’s travels across America ordering every drink he can with ice.

A Wine Balance

A story of a courageous waitress who’s mantra is “Never more than one trip,” which stemmed from her unbreakable vow to always carry an entire table’s order at one time. In this heroic tale, she truly learns the art of wine balance. (And beer and cocktails, too.)