As someone who needs to wear glasses at all times to have even a chance of seeing anything, I can tell you that one of the scariest and simultaneously most pathetic things that can happen to you is falling asleep with your glasses on and waking up without them. There is an initial moment where you feel around on your night stand in the general area where you normally leave your glasses. This proves futile. Then it dawns on you that you definitely fell asleep with your hand in a bowl of popcorn, in the middle of an episode of CSI, no pants, and definitely, definitely wearing your glasses.

Basically in this situation, especially as a single, uncoupled person, I am literally lost. I can’t see and no one can help me. I have spent countless terror-stricken minutes literally blindly groping my sheets and slithering around on the floor, effectively doing dust-bunny angels as I gently try to, by chance, run any part of my body into my glasses.

So far, every time I’ve found my glasses but that’s not to say I didn’t shed five pounds in terror sweat each time. My life would, without a doubt, stop for a prolonged period of time if I wasn’t able to recover my lenses. It is because of this that I’ve decided to do one of three options. A) Get one of those elasticized straps that babies use to hold their glasses on their heads at all times. B) Attach a practical yet stylish chain from the arms of my glasses to a pair of stud earrings that I will wear for the rest of my life. Or B) Glue the nose of my glasses to the nose of my face. You may vote now.